I don’t really know the direction this blog is going to go today. All I know is that I feel the need to write one.
There are so many things going on, so many decisions, choices, issues, situations that my brain feels like it is going to explode. My emotions are all over the place–one minute I am happy, laughing, full of joy and the next I am angry, yelling, carrying on like a crazed women. If none of that is going on I am sad, crying, afraid and wondering what is going to happen tomorrow. Yet through all of this there is one constant presence – God!
There are days I wonder if He is truly here with me and there are days when there is absolutely no doubt He is with me.
During those times when I wonder about His presence I truly do try to focus, quiet my mind, open my heart–I get down on my knees and try to pray, try to form words that make sense, try with every ounce of my being to “talk” to God. Most often it is a loosing battle or so it seems. Slowly the panic subsides, the fear and anger are gone and in its place are calming words:
“I will carry your burdens”
“I will never leave you”
“I know the plans I have for you”
“I will provide”
“I am here”
“I love you”
There are times when I know God is with me because I can feel it, see it, hear it – experience it. I see it in the actions of my family in Christ. I know it when I am afraid we won’t be able to buy the life-saving medications for my husband and God opens a door and it is provided. I hear it in music, messages and conversations with others.
Today is one of those days where I border on ” is He or isn’t He present”. Logically, spiritually, faithfully I know He does! It’s the stubborn, control freak, worrier, needs-to-know, person that lives inside my head that is causing the issues.
Having said that, this is how I will spend my day,
Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always. Psalm 105:4
Love and blessings,